We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
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herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
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So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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