shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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