my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
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I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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