I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
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Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
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"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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