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omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
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