i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize