i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Someone signed my nipple.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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