You're a womanizer and a bitch.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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