good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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