my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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