Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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