He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
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my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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