think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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