Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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