no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
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He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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