If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
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She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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