i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
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You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
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You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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