If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
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Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
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I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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