My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize