If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize