She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
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My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
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I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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