Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize