Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize