you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
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Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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