think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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