The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
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Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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