i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
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you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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