i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize