I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
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I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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