I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize