I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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