she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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