I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
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We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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