Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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