i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize