so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
if only i could text you this smell
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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