Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize