My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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