i need an iv and a liver transplant
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize