I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize