So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
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Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
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Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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