we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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