It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize