You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
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He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
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Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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