12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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