why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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