You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize