Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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