Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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