So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
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